Malaysia and the Mentors – Part 6/7

From here on out, it’s all fun and games. No more work, just drinking and relaxing and exploring Kuala Lumpur with the team. This is a travel blog.

Sunday 11:54am

I just slept for a decent half hour on the air-conditioned-but-still-hot bus from Sri Tamplak to Meleka. We’re heading to the beach! Two hour trip there and two hours back later today, and I’ve been loving the new book Ostrich I bought yesterday, taking care to read it slowly and thoroughly to soak in the cleverness. It’s funny and smart and I’m excited to see where the story goes. Breakfast was a lovely affair, as per.


I had two omelettes with everything and two cups of coffee then needed to piss before holding everybody up while I ran to the gym to sneak a towel into my bag for the beach. Foolish! Cameras everywhere would’ve caught me and there are clear signs stating the strict prohibition of taking towels out of the pool area. Stay tuned. Anna is two rows ahead of me, Dan and Aidee who are in the back row with a lovely young girl who smiles and shrugs every time conversation is made.


Arrived in Melaka bus station, taxied to the township and we’re dropped off a drab industrial area that seemed to be the end of the island. There was no beach. There was merely a large metallic wall that we could hear water behind. We walked in the heat through the old town ogling the long lines of European style facades then found the large sail ship in the middle of the town.

Jonker street

From there walked along a river to a very western looking restaurant and because we were all in danger of hanger, stopped to eat. I got two very very spicy dishes, one of them sting ray, and Dan got an interesting lasagne-rendang combo. Crazy. My tummy hurts and I have a runny nose but it’s funny.

Stingray soup!
Stingray soup!


We had durian! An amazing desert style thing that was a cross between ice cream, yoghurt and lassi, served with chocolate sauce. Met up with Aidee’s friend and his cute Indian friend and they took us to Jonker Street, a busy road full of stalls and small shops that reminded me of Khao San Road in Bangkok. We walked along the road and suddenly it was time to catch a taxi back to KL. We’re in a taxi now.

Aidee's friends who introduced us to Durian dessert
Aidee’s friends who introduced us to Durian dessert


Finally, finally got back to the hotel. What was planned to be a quick trip to the beach turned into a whole day trip. Sun is gone. My balls are chaffed. Battery ran dead on the bus but on the major plus side the new book Ostrich I’m reading is fantastic! Pita Sharples is here now and by the looks of things the whole NZ crew has arrived. I feel weirdly jealous like I want to keep KL for just the five of us. They were in suits, sweating up a storm in spite of holding professional posture.
Heading out to tea now at a restaurant for more chats and good times.

Johnny Barker Malaysia
Johnny Barker walking through the city looking swish

Monday 12:33am

It’s past midnight and I’m not even tired! Eek I’ve acclimatised to this time zone. Had an amazing dinner out with the team, drank asahi and talked films and had a blast all night. Then we retired to Johnny’s room to watch the 48hours short video he’d edited of all the teams then we watched HOT ROB! So stoked. They enjoyed it and were nice about it so I’m feeling warm fuzzies. Me and Aidee plan to hit the gym in the AM which sounds great in theory but I’m not sure I’ll be keen in seven hours.


Just spent a wonderful two hours at breakfast chatting and eating and drinking coffee and discussing and laughing with the team. Spent a decent half hour on the toilet instead of at the gym before breakfast thanks to the stingray yesterday. Dan has work to do today but the rest of us are free until the dinner at 7pm. We plan to hit up the Chinese markets on Petaling street. I did a great fart in the elevator on the way up here too. Very proud.

Hayden J. Weal Kuala Lumpur markets
HJW in the markets!


Sitting in a tourist trap bar but it has air conditioning so we’re stoked. We have walked through the markets and bought a whole bunch of crappy pap that made us happy. Friendship bracelets and incense, knockoff perfume and Nike shorts. Our mango juices are shitty sugary fakes and I bet the food will be delicious and gross.


Catching metro back to hotel. Phew it’s hot hot hot! Bought a cool white t shirt with guitars on it and we all got friendship bracelets awwwwww.

Bracelet shopping with Annie and Johnny
Bracelet shopping with Annie and Johnny


I am zonked. Big day walking around in the blistering heat, zipping into shops to buy stuff and eating crap and finally back at the hotel. The governmental dinner is tonight so Dan has been stuck organizing all day while we go have fun together. I’ve come to really love these guys, they’re like minded and hilarious and easy to be around. I bought another book at the mall and had to borrow some ringgit from Johnny. Gonna hit the pool on level 10 for a while then might even get a bit of gym action in before the dinner. Gosh, I can see myself getting smashed and being an idiot…

Invitation to the NZ Week night
Invitation to the NZ Week night


I just fell asleep by the pool for twenty blissful minutes. Swam, read my book, now it’s time to iron my shirt and head down for dinner. Less than twelve hours until the crew leaves so I better get drunk for them. Malaysia rocks.

Tuesday 2:33am

Holy shit I am lying in bed drunk as hell after Dan bought the entire table endless amount of whatever they damn well pleased. The winning team joined us after the ceremony. The ceremony itself – now that was an interesting story – lots of inappropriate action but also a couple of awkward statements in the middle of a charismatic and diplomatic speech.

Limi Mata Ikan | Rima Mata Ika
Limi Mata Ikan | Rima Mata Ika

The video played fantastically and the crowd loved it, then we got up on stage and bowed and shook hands with people, we met Jimmy Choo and the Malaysian ministers (what an honour) then we were confronted by a rude, drunken MP called Melissa Lee, telling us the debris of MH370 had been found so we weren’t to celebrate too loudly. We would’ve totally understood had she not been blowing smoke in our entire table’s faces as she spoke. Later, Dan told her what’s up (after she’d stumbled over and inducted herself uninvited into the group) by way of a non-flinchingly stern telling-off. It was so intense and everyone congratulated him on if afterward. We sat in the lobby until just now drinking with the winning team and getting photos. Amazing. The plan is to rouse at 5:30am and eat breakfast with the crew before they leave. Fuck. It’s 2:40am.

Standard drunken crowd snap
Standard drunken crowd snap


Yup, turned the alarm off in my sleep. Missed them.